So here's the thing. I hadn't been to church since our music group wrapped up it's run in April. Early April to be exact. That's kind of a big deal to this Catholic girl who was used to going to church every week - sometimes multiple times a week if I was singing at more than one Mass. I think there were a multitude of reasons for not really going since April. The biggest one was plain and simple - I was lazy. And I think I was tired and burned out and drained from the emotional roller coaster of finishing up things with our music group and so it got easy to just say, well we'll try to go to church as a family this summer sometime. Or I can always go on my own some morning if I want to. But then we'd make plans or decide to do something else on Sunday morning. But, there's been that little voice in the back of my head (darn Catholic guilt) saying "you really should go to church."
A couple of things happened in the last week. My favorite priest was recently relocated back to a church that is a little bit closer to home, one of the ones we used to go to with our music group and a church I was considering having us start going to more frequently because there are a lot of young families and a pretty decent music ministry program. I also realized this week that I'm still carrying around some hurt and anger about some of the things that went down between myself and another individual, the reason my mantra for the year became "let it go" in the first place. I am feeling pretty much over it and moved on, but there's a tiny part of me that still needs a little help. It occurred to me that going to church would probably help. I figured out that it's part of me that's been missing - yes I still have a relationship with God, but I haven't been doing anything to foster that. So I talked to Nate about it and while I want to get Ollie exposed to church, at the same time I knew I wouldn't get much out of the Mass if I took him right now, I'd have been kind of consumed with watching him. Nate said, "why don't you go on your own this Sunday and I'll get up and hang out with Ollie at home. We'll figure out the going as a family stuff later, right now you should go for you."
So yesterday I went to the early service. It was exactly what I needed. And I swear, it's like the sermon was tailored for me. The priest spoke about how as we go on our journey we need to travel light - and he wasn't just talking about packing a small suitcase. He meant you need to let go of your burdens and your worries, your hurts and bad feelings. Everything he was saying I was like "yes, YES." I left the church feeling lighter and hopefully I'll be able to keep traveling light as I go forward.
If anything, it made me see that while I'm not perfect and there will be weekends I may not make it to church, I just need to make church a part of my routine again. I think I had come to a point when we were still doing the music group that I was just going through the motions when I was going to church and so I wasn't getting much out of it. So it feels good to go to church to simply go to church. I'm not rushing into anything, but I may even feel ready to join the choir this year instead of next year, but we'll go one step at a time. For now I'm just going to enjoy the peace I feel and not worry about what's next. Travel light. One step at a time.