Wednesday, April 23, 2014

A mommy rant

All right, this post is going to be a little bit of a mommy rant.  Cause it's my blog and I'll rant if I want to.  I'm not ranting about my child at all - no, he is an innocent little bystander.  Instead I want to rant a little about other people for a minute.

Kind of along the same lines of how there are some questions you should never ask a pregnant woman, there are also questions I think should be banned from asking new parents.  The one that's bugging me the most right now would be, "Is he sleeping through the night yet?"

While I believe my son is not as bad as some, the answer to that is a big fat no.  The four month sleep regression hit us hard this month, but even before that he was still getting up once or twice to feed at night.  I think we're working back to that point, because it had been up to four times for awhile here and thankfully that hasn't been the norm now the last week or so.  While many babies at his age are capable of sleeping through the night and are physically able to go that long without a feed, other babies actually still wake up at night up to six months, nine months, even up to a year.  And I've accepted that my child must be one of the ones who just need the extra mommy love at night right now - but it is so frustrating getting that same "is he sleeping" question over and over again. Especially first thing in the morning when you haven't even had your coffee yet.   Thank you ever so much for reminding me that no, I'm not getting a full night's sleep right now!

So then I find myself turning to the dreaded mommy boards and parent advice boards and all the other resources on the Internet and start feeling like I'm doing everything wrong.  And even my own pediatrician - yes the one who also happens to be my uncle - is telling us we need to try and discourage the night feeding or he'll get too dependent on it.  Between that and the information overload, I started feeling super stressed out.

Then I had a good talk with the Pants Monkey and he reminded me that humans have walked this Earth for many years and most all of them figured out how to sleep eventually.  My child will not go to college still needing to nurse on me to get to sleep.  If he stays up all night at that point it'll be because of studying - or let's face it, maybe even partying - but not because he physically cannot sleep without his mommy's milk!

I also read some blog posts about parents dealing with the same sleep issues - and I realized that the babies who sleep all night right now at his age really aren't the norm.  I'm happy for those who have wonderful sleepers, but my little guy is pretty average and that gives me comfort.  It's ok for us to just go one day at a time and keep on what works for us.  We have a good established bedtime routine, so I feel the other things will fall into place when they're meant to.  And I know that once he does start sleeping better - I will likely look back on this time and miss those midnight cuddles.

So really, to those who keep asking me if he's sleeping through the night, I can feel pretty confident in saying "he's not right now, but I'm soaking up the mommy/baby time while I have it" instead of getting frustrated by the question.  I'm not doing anything wrong - I'm doing what works and by doing that it means I'm doing everything right.


  1. Amen, sister! You just keep doing what works fie you and the little guy and love him with all you've got and it will all be good! You are an awesome mommy. And totally enjoy the snuggles while you can because they grow up sooooo fast!

  2. Oh you can rant all you want! I love to vent, too. Makes ya just feel better, ya know? I fixed the photos on my post today. Go see, k? I just have to remember to 'save' them in my downloads, not just download them. Whew. close one. I was going to have a super busy day and now I am sooooo glad I cancelled a thing for this morning or my whole post would have just been sitting there in error ALL DAY. The funny thing is it was all very visible for me. doh. ♥, Renae

  3. Oh god, the unsolicited advice NEVER ends. I hate to break it to you, but it is the truth. People tend to think that they are being helpful, when really they are doing the opposite. I say listen to the Pants Monkey!

  4. I don't know about you, but there were weeks during my pregnancy where I couldn't sleep through the night without getting up for a snack... night hunger is not something to mess with! I'm no expert, especially since I'm 20 weeks pregnant, your kid is 20 weeks old (and so there is literally one gestational period between you and me right now!), but my thought is if he's truly hungry, and not just nursing for comfort, there is nothing wrong with that! Even if it is a comfort thing, at 4 months, it may be something you want to look at changing... when YOU feel like changing it!
    I've found a lot of people are well intentioned when they ask stupid questions, but that doesn't make the question any less stupid. In this case, I think a "How is he sleeping" is a much better question. I'd take a baby that went down to sleep easily, but woke up once or twice over a baby that struggles for hours to fall asleep, even if he stays asleep "all night". Quality over quantity!

  5. Yes, Beth, you need to do what's right for you and Ollie right now. And I know you are! It can be so hard and stressful and frustrating being a mommy, sometimes. We can't let what others think and say about how we are mothering get to us. That said, it is so hard not to! But you are an awesome mama and babies all develop and do things at different times. There is no real "normal". Your hubby is right. He won't always be waking up in the middle of the night. And you are right to enjoy the extra snuggles and ignore all the silly comments and questions and advice. Just keep doing what you're doing because that's what works for you and your family!

  6. Of course, you have to do what is right for you!!! Mind you, if it's a non-parent, maybe it's just ignorance speaking- I know nothing about children and I probably ask dumb questions all the time (not sure I've ever asked this though?).
    Every child is different. My music friend breastfed her daughter until she was over 3 years old (I haven't seen her since then though, so not sure whether or when that changed)- that was just what was right for her daughter!x

  7. You keep doing what you feel is right Beth,all babies are different! None of mine slept through the night either and this went on for a very long time I can tell you!! Mind you two of them could do with a brass band entering the room every morning now to wake them up! Oh how things change:) lol
    ~Anne xx

  8. UGH.
    people ask us this IMMEDIATELY. before whats his name or how old is he. but C is a good sleeper and when we/i say that - everyone seems so alarmed and they look at me like I'm a big fat liar. lol.
    you are doing great!
    hang in there mama!

  9. good for you for seeing the positive to it! it's not wrong, it's just different from others.

  10. You're such an amazing mom. I can't imagine taking care of a little one, waking up multiple times during the night, and working full time. (Mornings make me feel like my chest is being hit with a rubber mallet.)

    It's clear you're thoughtful and so so caring and patient and accepting. I admire you so much.

  11. Now that you mention it every person has asked me that. I don't think I've asked another mom it though. But Ella IS sleeping through the night so when I say that reactions are so mixed. Some are "yea mine were too" or "wow you are lucky"

    It is odd that that is what I'm asked. I ask people how many naps their babies take during the day. I often am afraid to ask thinking that might be rude. (Most moms I ask have kids 7 months or older though.)


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