Wednesday, November 19, 2014

One and done

So apparently Wednesdays are my days to get real on the blog.  So I'm getting real again today. This is a post that's been on my heart for awhile now but I haven't wanted to write it because it's a bit of a hot button issue and I don't want to be judged.  I've read a couple of articles recently though that re-affirmed my feelings so I decided it's time to share. 

The long and the short of it is, as far as having children goes, we are likely one and done. And now you're like, what does that mean?  It means, Oliver is probably going to be an only child.  We aren't making any true, permanent decisions until he is at least two.  We'll be close to 35 by then and wouldn't want to be much older than that if we were to choose to have another one, so that is another reason while we'll wait until then to be sure.  And we certainly could change our minds, but we're not likely to.

I am not anti-siblings.  I am not anti-big families. I have total respect for anyone who has more than one child, almost all of my friends do or plan to.  I see nothing wrong with that at all, it's just not what we feel will be right for us and our family.

We have heard it all as far as why we should have another one.  My favorite is "you need to give Oliver a sibling."  I need to give him a sibling? Um, I can think of plenty of other things I need to give him - a roof over his head and a safe place to grow up, food on the table, clothes on his back and all the love and support he needs - those are the things he truly needs.  I do not like the mindset that I'm basically scaring him for life by not having a second child.  Guess what people - I am an only child.  And I don't feel that I suffered for being one.  I loved it.  I thrived and survived.  I have a fantastic relationship with my parents.  I was not spoiled - but I will say I did have opportunities that maybe other kids didn't get to have.  I had many cousins around so I got the sibling experience with them and overall I feel had a great childhood.  I just don't feel like I'm lacking in not having a sibling.

The other part of this is while I love being a mom and I think I'm a pretty good mom, I also know my limitations.  I feel in my heart of hearts that emotionally and physically (and financially) that we will best be able to provide for one child.  I had a dream pregnancy and delivery with Oliver and that may not be the case with a second.  I could go on and on, but I think these two articles from Scary Mommy also kind of make my point too, so I'll share those links here, I think they're both pretty good:

Again, I don't judge anyone else who have multiple children and their reasons for doing so.  I also don't judge those who chose not to have children at all.  I plain just don't judge.  What works for you and yours is your business, not mine.  So I certainly hope that others will treat me the same way.  I just felt that it was time to put this out there, especially as we are getting closer to Ollie's first birthday and the questions are starting to fire up a bit of the "when are you having another one?"  Or you have to love how one of Nate's aunts was just automatically assuming and using the words "when you have the next one." We just kind of smile and nod right now.

Oliver is truly the best thing to have happened to us, he is the light of my world and such a blessing to me.  I love being Oliver's mommy and Nate's wife.  At the end of the day I think that is what matters most - not the size of the family, but instead the love that is in it.  Seems so simple doesn't it?

post signature

No comments :

Post a Comment

Thanks for stopping by and saying hello! It makes my day to hear from you!