Let It Go - The Messy Stuff

At the beginning of this year I talked about how my mantra for the year was "Let It Go."  And while it has mostly applied to situations and relationships I was having a tough time with, there is also one other huge thing I have decided to let go of.  It is pretty silly really.  But here it is.  Messes.  And by this I mean literal messes.  I'll explain.
I have spent most of my life as a neat freak.  I had a routine of always cleaning house as soon as I got home from work on a Friday so I could enjoy a nice clean house for the weekend.  Nate is a little opposite of me when it comes to that type of thing, but that's why he has an office in our basement where we could shut the door. My desk at work is organized and never cluttered.  I will fully admit, I'm just a girl who appreciates a little order. 
But now I have this little storm at my house now called Hurricane Oliver.  The destruction this storm leaves in it's path is pretty intense at times.  But here's the big thing - I don't care.  I am a boy mom. Boys are messy.  It is just a fact of life.  I thought that it would make me crazy, but it doesn't.  Maybe I let go of perfectionism and not just messes.  Not to mention, spending time with my boy when I first get home on Friday is more important to me than having a clean house for the weekend - so really it was a no brainer.  I haven't really even thought that much about it, but I have seen the shift in priorities.

There's more to it than just a clean house.  A couple of weeks ago we were out at the disc golf course. It had rained the night before and there was actually standing water in some areas.  We had dressed Ollie in head to toe rain gear just in case.  And naturally, at one point he marched himself right over to one of the puddles and headed right on in.  The old me would have been cringing and freaking out. But this new relaxed me said, OK.  It's not my favorite thing, but we can wash his clothes and give him a bath.  He's going to make some messes sometimes that are harder to clean up, but that's part of being a boy and growing and learning and playing.  And he was having fun.  That's more important than anything.

I have let go of my old ways and embraced (that's that other word of the year!) the mess.  Life is too short to be cleaning up all the time, you should be out living it.  Take time to deal with the big messes and let the little ones be - and I think that is something that can apply in a symbolic way and not just a literal one too.  Sometimes life is messy.  This boy of mine is teaching me just as much as I'm teaching him I think.  He's definitely making me a better person!

So, if you come over for coffee or a beer just know, I might not remember when I last vacuumed and there might be toys everywhere, but I promise to make up for it with the company and being present with you.  Hopefully that is what matters most!

My new mantra

My word for 2014 was "simplify."  And I think I accomplished that in many ways - and I could have done better at times, but I think I did pretty well overall.
For 2015, I am not making goals or resolutions.  That's not really my thing.  I'm also not really choosing a word so much as I'm choosing a phrase.  I know we're all sooooo sick of the Frozen craze, but I can't help it - my mantra is going to be "Let It Go."  And now you all have that song stuck in your heads and I'm so very sorry.
I realize that song is about Elsa discovering her power and choosing to let it out - but there are various lyrics in that song that I feel sort of apply to my life at the moment.  
"Let it go, let it go, can't hold it in anymore.  Let it go, let it go,  turn away and slam the door."  
I've alluded to something on the blog a few times this year about a relationship I've been struggling with this year.  I wouldn't say that this person is all to blame for what took place between us, I take some responsibility too - but in the end,  I've been hurt, I've been sad for what we've lost and it's really been difficult to get over it.  Just when I think I'm there something happens and I'm back where I was.  And I'm tired of it.  I just want to let it go and move on.  
"I don't care, what they're going to say, let the storm rage on, the cold never bothered me anyway" (metaphorically anyway - real cold sure does, lol)
And that brings me back to what I said on my birthday - the biggest gift I gave myself this year was self acceptance.  And that means I need to stop worrying about what others think of me.  I am happy with myself, I am happy with where I am and that should be all that matters.  I have a husband and a son who love me. I have supportive family and friends and that is where I need to focus my energy.  I don't need to waste time on people who just want to bring me down.  
"And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast, I'm never going back, the past is in the past."
I realize it sounds like this one issue I dealt with was all consuming this year.  It wasn't.  You saw in my year in review yesterday that I had a great year overall.  I want to just look back on the good moments and put the yucky ones behind me.  The past is in the past. We're moving on.
"Let it go, let it go, and I'll rise with the break of dawn.  Let it go, let it go.  That perfect girl is gone.  Here I stand, in the light of day.  Let the storm rage on.  The cold never bothered me anyway."
I'm rising above it.  I'm letting it go.  I also know I'm not perfect.  I am also a woman - thank you hormones - there may still be moments that I might get drug back down, but I'm going to try to repeat my mantra - let it go.  Let the storm rage on.  I won't let the cold bother me this time.
I wish you all a wonderful and peace filled New Year and I wish everyone only good things in 2015! I know I am excited for things to come! I have said it a lot these last couple of weeks, but thank you again for coming here, sharing in my world, reading my crazy rambles and thoughts.  I appreciate every single one of you!