Closing Time

Well if you've been following my blog for awhile, you know that in Ollie's newborn days - and even beyond - I talked about breastfeeding a lot.  And I'm going to do it one more time - for the last time. Yes, the last time.  Because we're done.  We've actually been done for a couple of weeks now.  It's been bittersweet, but it was time.
I can't help but think of the Semisonic song, Closing Time, a little bit.  "Closing Time, turn off all the lights over every boy and every girl.  Closing Time, one last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer."  I am the one who basically decided to cut this last tie.  I am the one who said last call for milk. I would have kept going longer, but I think Ollie was more than ready and honestly, I was tired.  We were still nursing three times a day in January.  We cut that back to twice a day in February and then only once a day in the beginning of March, at bedtime.  And I could tell that while part of him still wanted it a little bit, he didn't really truly seem to need it that badly.  So after we had him stay the night with my in-laws (where he actually slept through the night for the first time, which was a major catalyst in this decision) I decided we'd try giving up that last feed.  And he did great.  It was unceremonious (well it was for Ollie.  More on how it was for me in a bit).  We just gave him a bottle one night at bedtime instead of breast.  That was it.
It's funny.  I wouldn't say I had to be drug kicking and screaming into breastfeeding, but it wasn't something I was super excited about.  I agreed to do it because I knew it would save us money and would be convenient.  I also knew it would be good for him.  I kept saying my loose goal was to get to six months and that if we could go an entire year it would be fantastic.  This was all before he was born.  And then he was born and he took to it so, so well.  And I fell in love.  I never thought I would love breastfeeding so much.  But it just came so naturally to us.  And yes it did save us money and it was super easy because I always had food at the ready for him and yes it did help me lose weight. But it was so much more than that.  It was a special relationship that only I could have with him.  
I originally thought we'd wean around his first birthday even though he wasn't really showing signs of being ready.  He was doing great with solid foods already at that point, but I just kind of figured, I can't nurse this kid forever so we'll try to go with a gentle weaning process.  And then two things happened.  First he was diagnosed with a mild cow's milk allergy and then both he and I suffered a bout of Norovirus.  While he was sick, breastmilk was the only thing he could tolerate.  But the problem with me having also been taken down by that bug was that there was a 24 hour period where I could not nurse him at all, I couldn't even get out of bed.  And then I didn't eat much for close to 48 hours.  My milk actually started drying up.  And I panicked.  Not only was it the only thing he could handle while sick, this was not the way I wanted our nursing relationship to end.  Thankfully because he really only wanted to nurse at that time he helped me re-lactate pretty quickly.  That was back in December.  
We just decided to slowly start the weaning process again after we were all healthy and back to normal.  He loves his almond milk that we chose as a cow's milk alternative, so that was no problem. He has a healthy appetite and eats pretty much all food you put in front of him.  So really at this point the nursing was more of a connection to me.  It was a very hard decision and Nate and I talked a lot about it.  First I stopped pumping (hallelujah, that was ONLY part of breastfeeding I didn't enjoy) and then as I said earlier, we slowly started dropping one session every so many weeks.  Soon we were down to only doing it at night and for awhile he seemed to still really enjoy and want it.  Then one night he was super squirmy and not really wanting to latch for long and I realized he was also maybe saying it was time for last call.  He was telling me "Closing Time, you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."  And so I put him to bed and sat down with Nate to watch TV and was pretty quiet for most of the evening. He always knows when something is wrong so he finally asked what was up and I pretty much had a complete emotional breakdown and explained that I thought it was time to be done.  Truth be told, while I didn't want to be done at the same time, I WAS done.  My body was tired.  I was tired.  I wanted my body to be my own again.  And of course, you feel mom guilt over that.  Nate and I talked and he let me cry and he told me what a wonderful job I had done all this time and that I shouldn't feel bad.  If it's time, it's time.  The next night we just did a bottle at bedtime and as I said above, it was pretty uneventful, it's like it was just the way it had always been.  He didn't cry, he didn't seem to miss it. 
I made my peace with it after that night.  I had my one emotional outburst and I was pretty much ok after that and ready to move on.  I was willing to (mantra and word of the year alert) let it go and embrace this next part of the parenting journey.  That's not to say I won't miss it at times or be sad about it, especially knowing I'll not likely have this experience again (if you're new here, we've made a pretty solid decision to be one and done having kids and I recently had an IUD inserted - sorry if that's TMI).  But I am also pretty happy with where we are now.  This kid is learning new things every day and is just such a joy that I don't find myself dwelling in the past too much at all.  And even the song Closing Time has an uplifting ending.  "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."  Recently Ollie has learned to say I love you.  When I leave his room at night I hear this sweet little voice say "I ove oo."  My heart soars.
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

Got Milk?

In Oliver's one year update post I mentioned that we were working on the transition to cow's milk. I'd be happy to nurse him forever, but I've been ready to say farewell to Bessie the Breastpump for awhile now, so we figured, now is as good a time as any.  Our plan was to go slow, we're in no hurry, we'd do the switch in a gentle manner and get him used to it a little at a time.  He's had other dairy before so we figured it wouldn't be any big deal.

The first couple of days we noticed he was kind of scratching at his eyes as if they itched after he had his oatmeal, which we started adding a little bit of milk too.  We didn't think anything of it at first, just figured he must have irritated his eye somehow.  But then by the end of the week he had a sudden rather alarming reaction to his afternoon bottle that had about an ounce of cow's milk mixed in with the breastmilk - hives, sneezing, runny nose, wheezing and spitting up - he hasn't spit up since he was a pretty little baby.  The timing was good at least, this happened on Friday and we had his one year doctor appointment scheduled for Monday.  We stopped giving him the straight milk for the weekend and planned to ask Dr. Uncle what that was all about.

It was confusing to us because he has had tons of things cooked with milk/dairy and has had no problem and has eaten some cheese with no problem.  When we explained this to Dr. Uncle though he said with milk allergies it is often the protein found in the milk that causes the problem, it breaks down more when it is cooked, so that would explain why it doesn't affect him hardly at all when he eats something like a cream based soup for example.  It is also different from a lactose intolerance, it doesn't really cause stomach distress, it is much more of an actual allergic reaction.  

So our options are wait three months and try again or we can get a blood test done now that should show if he is indeed allergic to the milk protein and then we'll know we have to go to soy or something else.  The good news is that in many cases kids his age outgrow this allergy by the time they're two or three years old.  We took a couple of days to think it over and are going to go ahead and schedule the test so we have a clear answer and then we can go from there.  

I'm oddly not panicked or upset about this at all and I think it's because I have several friends who have dealt with these types of allergies with their kids and a good friend of mine and Nate's sister also have dairy allergies as adults so I'm already very used to dairy free recipes, although it does look like we can still cook with milk, but he won't be drinking it for now.  No milk and cookies for Ollie.

Everything else at his doctor appointment went great.  He weighs exactly 24 pounds and is 30 inches tall now.  He is hitting all his marks just right and based on things we were telling Dr. Uncle he says we should expect him to start walking any day now.  So, he's healthy and happy and we can deal with this other little blip in his world.

And hey, if he can't have milk, there's always beer....

Just kidding!  I'll make sure to update after we get the results from the blood test, but it looks like we'll be working on soy milk.  For now, I just keep pumping and nursing - I have to admit, that isn't the worst thing ever in the grand scheme of things either.  Love the cuddles with this little guy when he eats, so no harm in keeping that going!  And Bessie and I can cuddle up for a bit longer too.

August Goodies

Hello!  Happy Friday and Happy August!  This summer is just flying on by isn't it?  I'm trying to slow down and enjoy every moment!  It's been so much fun so far!

Last month I had so much fun with my Instagram challenges that I decided to take on a couple of more for August.  I didn't hit every day last month and I don't necessarily plan to this month either, but it definitely has helped me on days that I struggle with what to wear and has made my "No Shop Summer" so much easier!

First up, I'm joining back up with Hilary Rushford and Dean Street Society for Style Me August.  I love her style prompts - they are pretty simple and pretty broad so it's easy to interpret.  Starting this month if you register with her on her website, she'll also email you a weekly inspiration list with style ideas for that week's prompts.  I think that will be super helpful as I continue to work on remixing my closet!

The second style challenge I'm taking on this month is with my fellow Thrift Style Thursday gals - aided by Zhenya of Being Zhenya, we are taking on an entire Thrift Style August!  Again, the prompts for each day are pretty simple and broad - like today for example is Summer Love.  Easy peasy!

So anyway, I think these will both be fun challenges and I think they'll even mesh up with each other from time to time which is awesome!  Once again, feel free to follow along with me on Instagram - BethieTheBoo. Let me know if you're playing along too!

And in other news, today begins a week that is celebrating something you all know is near to my heart - it's World Breastfeeding Week.  I am still a firm believer that however you choose to feed your baby is the best way - I have nothing against formula at all, you're feeding your baby, that is what is important.  But, as someone who has been able to successfully nurse for almost 8 months and counting, I am very passionate about breastfeeding and raising awareness of breastfeeding - and also raising awareness of it being a normal, natural thing and not something that should be having to be hidden or considered taboo.  A friend tagged me to this adorable graphic yesterday on Facebook and I had to share it because it just made me smile.

I just wanted to send love and encouragement to all nursing mamas out there - it isn't always easy, but it is so totally worth it.  I actually dread the day that we wean and I try hard not to think about it right now! If you know a nursing mama, make sure to give her some love and encouragement this week!

And that's it for today!  I hope you all have a fantastic weekend!  In case I haven't said it lately, thanks for stopping by and sharing a little bit in my world!

NIP

I'm not talking about catNIP with my post title here. I'm talking about the dreaded topic of "nursing in public". Oh the horror! It seems it's still a bit of a hot button issue even though breastfeeding is becoming more of the norm again. One of my friends shared this hilarious video on Facebook the other day. It is not really work appropriate, so watch at your own risk, but it's really quite funny and I thought would be a good point to open the dialogue on this topic.

 

 If you didn't watch it, I'll just tell you that it's a couple of women singing about how people think new mothers are exhibitionists and are looking for any opportunity to pull out their breasts to more or less "ruin your day with the more vulgar word for breast" if you get my drift.

I have had a few occasions so far where I have needed to nurse Oliver in public.  And I have gotten some "looks" - the judgement eyes, the disgusted eyes, the shock eyes. Now, I take very careful care to make sure that no part of me is exposed to anyone that doesn't want to see it.  I have a very nice nursing cover (though Ollie doesn't really like it when I cover him up to eat!) and it makes the process very easy.  But like I said, I still get some looks when we are out and about - mostly this has been when we've been at the mall and it also happened once in a bookstore.  It's those people that make me want to act like the women in that video and just bare all to them - give me a break here, it's a natural thing and again - I am making sure you don't have to actually SEE it.

Some of our malls here have very nice mother's rooms and if I'm at that mall, you bet I'll seek out the designated place.  But others are not doing so well on that front, so I do what I have to do to feed my kid.

The Pope recently said that women should feel free to breastfeed in public and I commend him for making that statement.  I actually saw a woman nursing her baby in church a couple of weeks ago - nicely tucked under his wrap and I smiled at her.  I wanted her to know I get it.  I understand.

Maybe it's the over-sexualization of women in media these days that make people uncomfortable with anything pertaining to boobs.  I don't know.  But what I do know is, I will feed my kid when I need to feed my kid and those who give me the "look" I'll just give the "look" right back.

True Blue

I think this is my first wear of my beloved Anthro pants since I've had Oliver.  I looked in my archives and it appears the last time I wore them it was June and I could just barely button them at the time.  I'm so happy I can wear them again!  Still one of my best thrifted finds ever!!

Sweater - Mossimo, Target

Cami - Motherhood Maternity

Pants - Anthropologie, thrifted

Scarf - Stella and Dot

Shoes - Mudd, Kohls 

I haven't been shopping for myself in forever.  I keep buying things for Ollie since he's growing like a weed - starting to pop out of even some of his three month clothes and moving into size 2 diapers!  I just haven't bought myself anything and I'm getting the bug.  I think it might be time for a thrift store trip if nothing else!

Inspiration Monday - Gleeful

I was pretty excited when I saw that the two birds picked this picture of Lea Michelle from Glee for Inspiration Monday this week.  Not only am I a "gleek" (though I think this season is pretty lame so far) I also had the perfect sweater to duplicate this outfit!

And hey guess what - it's actually a nursing sweater!  It's a little unusual, you can button and unbutton it a couple of different ways.  I love how soft it is and I can easily cover up the baby if need be.  And it strangely matches the picture of Lea!

Sweater - Motherhood Maternity

Jeans - Old Navy

Boots - Target

Bag - Coach via Poshmark

I wore this outfit to the final shower I had yesterday.  Yep, I had one more shower.  We have big families and my dad's side wanted to throw one and never had the chance before Oliver was born, so we did one yesterday.  It was very sweet, they did a book theme, so everyone brought books to start a library for him.  We got some really good ones and I can't wait to read them to him.

In other news, we're getting another cold snap this week, but not as bad as the one last week thankfully, so I guess it could be worse!  We have a playdate with a friend of mine tomorrow so I will just have to really warm up the car I guess!

For more Inspiration Monday outfits head to two birds here.

Attractive Nursing Wear

My outfits these days are pretty much based on what I can easily nurse in.  This means a lot of camis and sweaters pretty much.  I was excited to find this sweater/tank combo at Motherhood Maternity shortly before Christmas.  I think it's funny, I pretty much avoided shopping at Motherhood the entire time I was pregnant because of cost - I just didn't think it was worth it when I could find items from Motherhood at the consignment and thrift store.  But when the Pants Monkey and I went mall walking with Oliver the week after he was born I found that even the big department stores were kind of devoid of nursing wear.  In fact, most of them were devoid even of maternity wear.  So, we ventured into Motherhood and they happened to be having a good sale.

Top - Motherhood Maternity

Jeans - LOFT, consignment

Shoes - Clothes Mentor consignment

I got this top and several others thanks to a buy three, get one free deal.  My in-laws found the same sale and ended up giving me several tops for Christmas too.  The nice thing about this one is it's stylish, but very practical for nursing the babe!  I like things that are stylish while being practical!! 

Thanks for the supportive comments re: yesterday's post.  We will see how things work out, you just never know.  In the meantime, shirts like this will be great for pumping when I'm at work too!